Solemn Thoughts Rated- PG

    The salty mist caressed my face as I looked down upon the ocean from the cliff face. I was sitting down, shoulders hunched over. The wild wind whipped my long, wavy hair all around me. Some sea gulls cawed in the cloudy sky above me, most likely fighting over food for their young. I sat there, no particular reason, except, momentous things had happened here. I often came here when I was in my most solemn moods, which were becoming more and more frequent these days. I have often wondered what drew me to this place. It was a plain scene. The ocean and beach below me, the steep rock face of a cliff jutting up from the smooth sand. Rolling hills of green behind me. No towns, farms, or anyone around for miles. Just serene quiet. I think that's part of why I love this place so. The isolation, the quiet, no disturbance from my thoughts.

    Which, take quite interesting turns. The isolation of this place is oddly comforting to my solemn disposition. I was always an outsider, never really connected with people, never really cared to either. They never saw fit to include me in their lives, so I shut them all out of mine. The only true friend I ever had was my sister. We had our differences, but she was always there for me, and vice-versa. She, after having her third child two years ago, was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. She was now confined to a wheel chair, and was so weak, she could barely talk. We exchange a few hushed words over the phone every once in a while, but, I never visit her. I can't bring myself to see her in such pain, so weak. She, the strong, assertive, one of the both of us, reduced to a weak woman in a wheel chair. Every time I looked at her, I felt ready to burst into tears.

    The fact that my father had died years earlier from a heart attack, and the fact that our mother's health was slowly decreasing, didn't help the situation. We felt our mother could go any day. She would be swept away from us by the wind. I ran from it all, I couldn't take it all. Everyday was a blur. I saw the world spinning around me uncontrollably. I had to get out. So, as soon s possible, I moved out of state, to finish college. I emerged myself in my studies. Never socializing, always in my room, face in a book. Until, I met Sean. He was studying to become a doctor. He had short brown hair, which always seemed to be in his eyes. And those eyes...wow, those beautiful blue eyes. He always had his head down, his shy eyes diverting from making contact with anyone else's. The way his eyes shone and my somewhat rare smile these days, attracted us to each other. We had a brief courtship and were married. I finished my doctorate in computer science, while he finished his degree in medicine.

    I was happy for one of the only times in my life during the four brief years of our marriage. But it ended all too soon for me. Sean's hobby was flying; he had his own private plane. One day, something went wrong, and the plane crashed. And in one instant, he was taken from me. I wasn't ready to let go. I sunk into a deep depression, and fled the country. I now live in Scotland, out on the moors, all alone, but I really wouldn't have it any other way. Something about the mystery of this country, the intrigue of the ancient Celtic tales of banshees and witches drew me here. Never once have I shed tears for Sean, for my family, even for myself. Every time I think I will, my tear ducts fail me, and I'm left the dry-eyed melancholy woman, sitting alone on the cliff, feeling sorry for herself.

    I have often looked down at the steep cliff, the long drop, and wondered, why I never had the courage to jump, to end all the pain. I’ve asked myself that for the past 2 years, and still no answer found. Though, apparently, I haven’t jumped yet either. One of the mysteries of my life I suppose…

    Now, I take up my old hobby of drawing to get me through. I sell my drawings at a little store at the nearest town to my humble cottage and write fiction books in my spare time. I make more than enough money to get me through. I just live alone, with my cats.

    I sighed. It was going to rain. I slowly rose, and brought out my car keys. I really needed some chocolate I thought as I wandered over to my jeep. I think I'll pick some up on my way home. The cats need some food anyway. Town wasn’t far away in any case. Yes, chocolate, and maybe some tea…